I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think my moral compass just broke
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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