I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
