if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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