um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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