Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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