I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
