I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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