So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
