so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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