my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
