just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
