You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
