I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
