I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
