if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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