Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
