he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
