My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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