i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
