Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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