so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
