Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
