i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
