My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
