i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
