I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
