I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
