i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
