Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
