Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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