That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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