he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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