My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
