First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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