Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
