i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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