My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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