1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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