yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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