awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
