Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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