yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
