I bet he comes in French.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
organizing the empties. That sober.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
