He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
