stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
