don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
