I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
