I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
