I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
