I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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