Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
