I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she pinky promised me she was 18
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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