I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
