This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
