You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
