Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
