because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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